Parental Issues

Much Ado about a little cut

or If preventing perineal trauma is so important, why doesn’t everybody try harder to prevent it?

by Dr. Perle Feldman

In their article in this issue Eason and Labreque seek to define what we know about prevention of perineal trauma in the process of childbirth. Their answer seems to be that there is not a lot that we can be certain of. However it is clear that episiotomy is a major contributor to trauma, pain and suffering in parturient women. Yet recent generations of doctors have been taught that episiotomy benefits the mother, and expeditious delivery protects the baby. Despite increasing recent experimental data of the uselessness of episiotomy and its potential for damage it continues to be an extremely common intervention. It serves as a case in point of a cultural change in medicine, research knowledge follows disatisfaction of some practitionerswith the status quo and pressure from consumers. Research proof changes practice within large university centers, and places where the researchers are inluential. Knowledge is then spread by residents and students either as they graduate and bring their new knowlede to their new institutions or within the institution they transmit new skills from one practitioner to another. Yet there is always a conservative element people who are skeptical of change. Particularly when there are other reasons to maintain the practice.

During the Klein (1994) research trials, many of the participating obstetricians commented that while Klein’s propositions might be true that they were trivial. “Who cares about a little cut?” was the common theme. Yet by the end of the trial the use of routine episiotomy had fallen almost 50%. Two factors seemed to be responsible for this “cultural change”: first, the advantages of restricted use of episiotomy to the physicians, and second, the overwhelmingly positive response of the patients. The Obstetrical and Family medicine residents served as “vectors” infecting the “high cutters” with the skills necessary to protect the perineum once that was seen as desirable.

Leavitt, in her historical analysis of childbirth practices in North America (ref pleaseErica), underlines the importance of patients’ input and desires. She states that in each generation the concerns of women for safer, less painful, more humane childbirth have shaped research and practice. Each generation has had its particular concerns, and has built on the successes as well as problems arising from the practices of the previous generation.

Thus, the breakdown of social childbirth led to an increase in hospital births during the late 19th century. A desire for safer births led to an increase in the use of anesthesia, intravenous fluids, antibiotics, and other interventions in the 1950’s and 60’s. In the last thirty years, the natural childbirth movement reacted against the medicalization of birth and demanded a greater humanization of care. Because of the conflict between advocates of natural childbirth and some technologically oriented practitioners, there is an increasing demand for a rational evaluation of routine practices in order to bring about a balance between the desire for a woman-centered birth and necessary interventions for the safety of both mother and baby. This can only be done by analyzing what we do, so as to tease out what is useful and necessary, from the morass of tradition, custom and convenience.

What explains the excessive use of episiotomy even now? We suggest that there are potent reasons. The episiotomy allows faster delivery of the head. The conflicting demands of a busy office, OR, and emergency room can make a more expeditious approach seem desirable. The Zen of “just sitting” and waiting is a demanding discipline. For those of a more “surgical” personality watchfully waiting for the perineum to stretch and verbally guiding a mother through the end of the second stage is much more difficult than “just doing” the delivery. This can be particularly difficult while watching those disconcerting second stage variable decelerations under the omnipresent threat of malpractice. Doing episiotomy can also minimize time spent at the bedside. Those of us who work in teaching hospitals may feel comfortable leaving an experienced resident to sew up a simple episiotomy rather than a more irregular and less standardized tear. Even those of us who do not practice in a teaching hospital acquired our delivery styles in that context.

Reluctance to avoid episiotomy may also relate to inexperience, as so well expressed by Esther Floud: ‘A midwife who has learned to use episiotomy freely will have rarely observed spontaneous delivery and may therefore lack confidence in the elasticity of the perineal tissue’ {FLOUD1994}. Our own impression is that the (rare) ‘shredding’ perineal lacerations occur only with uncontrolled pushing or operative delivery, when the perineum does not have time to stretch. Operative delivery may be an indication for mediolateral episiotomy, but this has not been assessed by randomized controlled trial.


Where do we go from here?

In their article in this issue of CMAJ, Eason and Labrecque summarize the evidence on protecting the perineum, and identify areas where research is needed. Many techniques have been vigorously affirmed to prevent perineal trauma, using value-laden descriptors like ‘gentle’ and ‘natural’ but scientific evidence is lacking to support most of these claims. These techniques must be proven to work before it is justified to promote them. Listening to the voice of authority has led us down the garden paths of routine episiotomy and prophylactic forceps (not to mention fetal monitoring!) The principles of evidence-based care are nowhere more important than in the process of birth. Who cares about the care of the perineum? I suggest that those who care most are the women who give birth and the men who are their sexual partners. These are important people and I think it behooves us to try and understand what we know and to find out as much as we can.

‘the complete protection of the perineum has undoubtedly remained a weak spot in our art’

F. Ritgen, 1855 {RITGEN1855}

How to Have a Happy Marriage When You’re Busy Being Parents

By Elizabeth Pantley
Author of Kid Cooperation, Perfect Parenting and Hidden Messages

Is your marriage everything you ever hoped it could be? Or has it been pushed down your list of priorities since having children? Let’s face it, parenthood is a full-time job, and it dramatically changes your marriage relationship. But marriage is the foundation upon which your entire family is structured. If your marriage is strong, your whole family will be strong; your life will be more peaceful, you’ll be a better parent, and you’ll, quite simply, have more fun in your life.

Make a commitment

To create or maintain a strong marriage you will have to take the first critical step: You must be willing to put time, effort and thought into nurturing your marriage. The ideas that follow will help you follow through on this commitment and will put new life and meaning into your marriage. A wonderful thing may happen. You may fall in love with your spouse all over again. In addition, your children will greatly benefit from your stronger relationship. Children feel secure when they know that Mom and Dad love each other-particularly in today’s world, where 50 percent of marriages end in divorce; half of your children’s friends have gone, or are going through a divorce; or maybe it’s your kids who have survived a divorce and are now living in a new family arrangement. Your children need daily proof that their family life is stable and predictable. When you make a commitment to your marriage, your children will feel the difference. No, they won’t suffer from neglect! They’ll blossom when your marriage-and their homelife-is thriving.

The surprising secret is that this doesn’t have to take any extra time in your already busy schedule. Just a change in attitude plus a committed focus can yield a stronger, happier marriage.

So here’s my challenge to you. Read the following suggestions and apply them in your marriage for the next 30 days. Then evaluate your marriage. I guarantee you’ll both be happier.

Look for the good, overlook the bad

You married this person for many good reasons. Your partner has many wonderful qualities. Your first step in adding sizzle to your marriage is to look for the good and overlook the bad.

Make it a habit to ignore the little annoying things - dirty socks on the floor, a day-old coffee cup on the counter, worn out flannel pajamas, an inelegant burp at the dinner table - and choose instead to search for those things that make you smile: the way he rolls on the floor with the baby; the fact that she made your favorite cookies, the peace in knowing someone so well that you can wear your worn out flannels or burp at the table.

Give two compliments every day

Now that you’ve committed to seeing the good in your partner, it’s time to say it! This is a golden key to your mate’s heart. Our world is so full of negative input, and we so rarely get compliments from other people. When we do get a compliment, it not only makes us feel great about ourselves, it actually makes us feel great about the person giving the compliment! Think about it! When your honey says, “You’re the best. I’m so glad I married you.” It not only makes you feel loved, it makes you feel more loving.

Compliments are easy to give, take such a little bit of time, and they’re free. Compliments are powerful; you just have to make the effort to say them. Anything works: “Dinner was great, you make my favorite sauce.” “Thanks for picking up the cleaning. It was very thoughtful, you saved me a trip.” “That sweater looks great on you.”

Play nice

That may sound funny to you, but think about it. How many times do you see -- or experience -- partners treating each other in impolite, harsh ways that they’d never even treat a friend? Sometimes we take our partners for granted and unintentionally display rudeness. As the saying goes, if you have a choice between being right and being nice, just choose to be nice. Or to put this in the wise words of Bambi’s friend Thumper, the bunny rabbit - “If you can’t say somethin' nice don’t say nothin' at all.”

Pick your battles

How often have you heard this advice about parenting? This is great advice for child-rearing - and it’s great advice to follow in your marriage as well. In any human relationship there will be disagreement and conflict. The key here is to decide which issues are worth pursuing and which are better off ignored. By doing this, you’ll find much less negative energy between you.

From now on, anytime you feel annoyed, take a minute to examine the issue at hand, and ask yourself a few questions. “How important is this?” “Is this worth picking a fight over?“ “What would be the benefit of choosing this battle versus letting it go?”

The 60 second cuddle

You can often identify a newly married couple just by how much they touch each other - holding hands, sitting close, touching arms, kissing - just as you can spot an “oldly-married” couple by how little they touch. Mothers, in particular, often have less need for physical contact with their partners because their babies and young children provide so much opportunity for touch and cuddling that day’s end finds them “touched fulfilled”. So here’s a simple reminder: make the effort to touch your spouse more often. A pat, a hug, a kiss, a shoulder massage - the good feeling it produces for both of you far outweighs the effort.

Here’s the deal: Whenever you’ve been apart make it a rule that you will take just 60 seconds to cuddle, touch and connect. This can be addictive! If you follow this advice soon you’ll find yourselves touching each other more often, and increasing the romantic aspect of your relationship.

Spend more time talking to and listening to your partner.

I don’t mean, “Remember to pick up Jimmy’s soccer uniform.” Or “I have a PTA meeting tonight.” Rather, get into the habit of sharing your thoughts about what you read in the paper, what you watch on TV, your hopes, your dreams, your concerns. Take a special interest in those things that your spouse is interested in and ask questions. And then listen to the answers.

Spend time with your spouse

It can be very difficult for your marriage to thrive if you spend all your time being “Mommy” and “Daddy”. You need to spend regular time as “Husband” and “Wife”. This doesn’t mean you have to take a two-week vacation in Hawaii. (Although that might be nice, too!) Just take small daily snippets of time when you can enjoy uninterrupted conversation, or even just quiet companionship, without a baby on your hip, a child tugging your shirtsleeve or a teenager begging for the car keys. A daily morning walk around the block or a shared cup of tea after all the children are in bed might work wonders to re-connect you to each other. And yes, it’s quite fine to talk about your children when you’re spending your time together, because, after all, your children are one of the most important connections you have in your relationship.

When you and your spouse regularly connect in a way that nurtures your relationship, you may find a renewed love between you, as well as a refreshed vigor that will allow you to be a better, more loving parent. You owe it to yourself - and to your kids - to nurture your relationship.

So take my challenge and use these ideas for the next 30 days. And watch your marriage take on a whole new glow.


Parts of this article are excerpted with permission from books by Elizabeth Pantley:

Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading

Hidden Messages: What Our Words and Actions are Really Telling Our Children by New Harbinger Publications, Inc. and by McGraw-Hill/Contemporary

www.pantley.com

Handling Unwanted Advice

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care

“Help! I’m getting so frustrated with the endless stream of advice I get from my mother-in-law and brother! No matter what I do, I’m doing it wrong. I love them both, but how do I get them to stop dispensing all this unwanted advice?”

Just as your baby is an important part of your life, he is also important to others. People who care about your baby are bonded to you and your child in a special way that invites their counsel. Knowing this may give you a reason to handle the interference gently, in a way that leaves everyone’s feelings intact.

Regardless of the advice, it is your baby, and in the end, you will raise your child the way that you think best. So it’s rarely worth creating a war over a well-meaning person’s comments.

You can respond to unwanted advice in a variety of ways:

  • Listen first

    It’s natural to be defensive if you feel that someone is judging you; but chances are you are not being criticized; rather, the other person is sharing what they feel to be valuable insight. Try to listen - you may just learn something valuable.

  • Disregard

    If you know that there is no convincing the other person to change her mind, simply smile, nod, and make a non-committal response, such as, “Interesting!” Then go about your own business ... your way.

  • Agree

    You might find one part of the advice that you agree with. If you can, provide wholehearted agreement on that topic.

  • Pick your battles

    If your mother-in-law insists that Baby wear a hat on your walk to the park, go ahead and pop one on his head. This won’t have any long-term effects except that of placating her. However, don’t capitulate on issues that are important to you or the health or well-being of your child.

  • Steer clear of the topic

    If your brother is pressuring you to let your baby cry to sleep, but you would never do that, then don’t complain to him about your baby getting you up five times the night before. If he brings up the topic, then distraction is definitely in order, such as, “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

  • Educate yourself

    Knowledge is power; protect yourself and your sanity by reading up on your parenting choices. Rely on the confidence that you are doing your best for your baby.

  • Educate the other person

    If your “teacher” is imparting information that you know to be outdated or wrong, share what you’ve learned on the topic. You may be able to open the other person’s mind. Refer to a study, book, or report that you have read.

  • Quote a doctor

    Many people accept a point of view if a professional has validated it. If your own pediatrician agrees with your position, say, “My doctor said to wait until she’s at least six months before starting solids.” If your own doctor doesn’t back your view on that issue, then refer to another doctor - perhaps the author of a baby care book.

  • Be vague

    You can avoid confrontation with an elusive response. For example, if your sister asks if you’ve started potty training yet (but you are many months away from even starting the process), you can answer with, “We’re moving in that direction.”

  • Ask for advice!

    Your friendly counselor is possibly an expert on a few issues that you can agree on. Search out these points and invite guidance. She’ll be happy that she is helping you, and you’ll be happy you have a way to avoid a showdown about topics that you don’t agree on.

  • Memorize a standard response

    Here’s a comment that can be said in response to almost any piece of advice: “This may not be the right way for you, but it’s the right way for me.”

  • Be honest

    Try being honest about your feelings. Pick a time free of distractions and choose your words carefully, such as, “I know how much you love Harry, and I’m glad you spend so much time with him. I know you think you’re helping me when you give me advice about this, but I’m comfortable with my own approach, and I’d really appreciate if you’d understand that.”

  • Find a mediator

    If the situation is putting a strain on your relationship with the advice-giver, you may want to ask another person to step in for you.

  • Search out like-minded friends

    Join a support group or on-line club with people who share your parenting philosophies. Talking with others who are raising their babies in a way that is similar to your own can give you the strength to face people who don’t understand your viewpoints.


This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

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Mom and Dad’s Little Emergency Kit

by Dr. Perle Feldman

Now that summer is upon us and people are getting ready to head out to the cottage and on vacation it is time to put together the family medical emergency kit. Nothing is more frustrating than having to leave the lake and go searching for a doctor in a strange place when what you really need is first aid.

When packing a kit it should be individualized to fit your family’s needs but I am going to suggest a few things that are almost sure to come in handy.

The first and most important things to pack are fresh orders of all prescription medications needed by your family. This is particularly important for those medicines that are only taken occasionally, such as asthma puffers (such as Ventalin, Berotec & others) These medications have a disconcerting habit of running out when far from the pharmacy. If possible get extra puffers and sprayers to keep in the emergency kit. Many a puffer has gone to the beach in a swim bag, but only few return.

Antihistamines are useful to have in your kit. The old fashioned ones such as Benadryl and Chlorpheniramine (Chlorotripolon & others) are useful for taking away the sting of multiple insect bites, poison ivy, and the itchy eyes and nose caused by minor allergic reactions. The newer non-drowsy antihistamines (Reactine, Claritin & others) do not work as quickly as the old ones but are very useful. Some such as loratidine come in a children’s syrup. An over the counter cold remedy can dry up the nose and make people with colds more comfortable.

Insect bites and itchy spots in general will respond to a tiny dab of cortisone cream, which is available over the counter. Many people use calamine lotion on these, but I do not find that this really works. A splinter removal kit is a good thing for all parents to pack. This consists of some kind of skin cleanser, such as alcohol or peroxide, a sterile needle and a pair of tweezers to pull the splinter out. You should also pack a supply of lollypops so that your “patients” have something to distract them during the operation.

For the inevitable skinned knees, scratches and minor cuts remember that soap and water are your first line of defense. The wound should be cleaned of all dirt and gravel and washed thoroughly. Your tweezers can help get out those stubborn bits of road rock. You can then use your skin cleanser, a little topical antibiotic such as polysporin or bacitracin and cover with a bandage. Your kit should contain a variety of sticky bandages, some sterile gauze squares, a role or two of gauze and some tape. If you can find some “butterfly” dressings or steristrips you can stick some minor lacerations together without a doctor’s help.

Minor sprains, strains and booboos can be treated with rest, elevation and ice. Having an ace bandage can supply a little support. A physician should see any injury where there is significant swelling, bruising or inability to move the affected part. Splinting the injury can make moving the patient a lot less painful. Stiff cardboard or a rolled up newspaper can make a good emergency splint. Some clean Popsicle sticks can be used to splint little fingers after the dreaded volleyball injury.

It is important to have acetaminophen (tylenol, Atasol, Tempra & others) in the doses and forms appropriate for members of your family, to treat fevers and headaches and other pains. A nonsteroidal antiinflammatory such as Ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin) is also good for menstrual cramps, muscle and bone pain and temporary relief of toothache.

Strange bathrooms and unusual food can play havoc with people’s digestion while on vacation. Your kit could contain an antacid and/or some over the counter Famotidine or Ranitidine (Pepcid, Zantac) for acid related tummy-aches. A Magnesium laxative (Magnolax, Milk of Magnesia) or a stool softener (Colace e.g.) can be useful if increased fluid, fruit and fiber have failed the constipated. Parents of small children should have some gastric replacement solution available should their child develop diarrhea, and vomiting.

Burns, including sunburns are treated differently depending on their severity. The initial treatment in all burns is to cool the skin by putting on cool compresses or bathing the affected part in cool water. Ice, oil and butter should be avoided in the treatment of burns. If the burn blisters the blistered or oozy area should be covered with an antibiotic dressing and the dressing changed daily until the new skin forms. Extensive burns or third degree burns that are deep and painless should be seen in the hospital. A good moisturizing cream can help reduce the tightness and soothe the pain of sunburn. Remember it is better to use sunscreen, hats and cover-ups before than to treat the burn after.

If you have a family member who has severe allergies needing epinephrine/adrenaline you should have several epinephrine delivery systems, such as an Epipen available. There should be one in the car, one in the house, and one with the kid. Remember that you should give a dose of a good old-fashioned antihistamine such as Benadryl or Chlorpheniramine at the same time as the Epipen to prevent the symptoms from recurring. The Epinephrine may need to be repeated so carry a spare to cover you while you drive to the hospital.

In the meantime don’t be paranoid; enjoy your summer holiday.


Mamma Perle’s Emergency Kit:

  • Acetaminophen
  • Ibuprofen
  • Antihistamine - old fashioned
  • Antihistamine - new fashioned
  • Cold remedy
  • Gastric replacement fluid (I bottle, or packets)
  • Antacid: liquid and pills
  • Magnesium laxative
  • Cortisone 1% cream
  • Antibiotic ointment
  • Moisturizer cream
  • Antiseptic cleanser
  • Sticky bandages - various
  • Sterile gauze pads
  • 2 roles cling gauze
  • 1 role tape
  • 1 clean needle
  • Tweezers
  • Ace bandage
  • Splints