Home Forums Induced Lactation aka Adoptive Breastfeeding Natural Methods to Induce Lactation/Increase Milk Supply Should we go for baby #4?

Hi all,
Just looking for some helpful advice.....
We have 2 bio sons ages 6&8 (who nursed into young childhood) and an adopted daughter age 17 mos who is currently nursing via my use of dom & herbs. Our DD birthmom is pg again, due in Jan and has asked us to adopt the baby. The younger (adopted 2) will be 23 months apart in age. I would of course be tandem nursing again. I have been nursing for 8 1/2 years continuously now.
My dilema is this...I feel SOOOO torn.
My sons are best friends, inseperable and adore each other. With the chance to have another baby, close now in age to my daughter, how could I deny her that close sib relationship?
Also, all books & conferences on transracial adoption say that if you have the opportunity to adopt another child of the same race as your adopted child, to do so, esp if you have bio sibs.
I want this baby for my daughter.
On the other hand, I am frankly tired of nursing and know that another baby would mean 3 or more added years (I practice child led weaning) of nursing. I am afraid that adding another baby will put to much stress on the perfect situation we have now (money, time, attention to other kids).
I almost feel embarrassed to be asking all of this because in the adoption community it is the ideal situation. I'm just scared about having two so close in age again, tandem nursing again, etc.
Any suggestions or ideas of things I need to consider in this choice?
Thanks in advance ladies.

I can understand why you are torn. What I do when I need to make a decision is this: I divide a piece of paper down the middle and on one side put the Cons and on the other side the Pros. I write down all the pros and cons. Then I put the paper and the decision away for a certain amount of time (usually in my case, 3 days if I have that much time). I go back to the decision after the allotted time and when I do, I always know deep in my heart what the right answer is.

It sounds like your dilemma is between doing something that you feel would be good for your daughter vs. doing something that you feel would be good for you. Often what is good for mom is also good for the child(ren). So don't feel that if you choose not to adopt that it is a selfish decision.

I hope that you are able to find what is right deep in your heart.

Good luck.

That is such a hard decision. I know that personally if our bm called and was pregnant again, I would adopt in a minute, but we will probably adopt again either way. Good luck with your decision.
Jennifer

I try and look at things from a long term perspective. Three more years of nursing is a lot. However, in 10 years, 20 years, when you look back, what will you think?

Will you regret that you weren't as into this baby as you were the others so you couldn't give it the love it deserves? Or, will you wonder how you could have ever considered NOT adopting? Will you regret the extra nursing or will you be glad you did it?

The bottom line should be will you be able to be the mommy you need to be.

If you do adopt, all that nursing will certainly be good for your health. I just can't see you'll ever get breast cancer and probably not ovarian cancer. Not that those should be your deciding points, just fun facts.

I would ask myself if I would regret not adopting the baby in the future. How do you think your DD will feel if you do not adopt her sibling? I would look at a lot of things. I personally would adopt in a heartbeat if offered another baby. But you have to do what is right for you and your family

Thank you all for your helpful insights. My heart is telling me I can and should adopt this baby, and my head (and money) keep getting in the way. Thank you for all of your kind words and support. I will very certainly keep you posted.

Hi,

My name is Linda Baker and I live in Cochabamba Bolivia.

We are currently with our 7th child. We were not looking to add to our family, but feel God gave us the opportunity to love one more. Audrey is 6 weeks old and is lovely!
I believe that if you have the heart to love one more, you should. In the end, what would bring you more joy? I realize that breastfeeding for 3 more years can be daunting but it also provides a incredible love bond for this little one.

Linda

Thanks again everyone for all you help and support. We have decided to proceed with the adoption!!!!!!!!!!!
While we are still trying to find a way to finance it all (there is a chance we can't make it happen)we now have a new outlook on the whole prospect and have absolute faith that if this is meant to be...it will happen.
I will start pumping as soon as the boys are back in school!!!
(Baby is due mid Jan.)

Congratulations Mindy!!!!