Home Forums Induced Lactation aka Adoptive Breastfeeding Medical Interventions to Induce Lactation/Increase Milk Supply so discouraged

Matthew has been home since Sunday and is doing great. He latches on and really seems to enjoy being at the breast. Using the LactAid is a lot of work and he is a very slow eater, but I'm so happy with our progress.

What I'm not happy with is the reaction I'm getting from friends and family. I just feel sooooo discouraged. I just got off the phone with my mom who told me repeatedly that I shouldn't "do this just out of pride, because you said you were going to." She and my sister also made remarks to me about how I shouldn't tell other people I'm breastfeeding Matthew and should only use bottles in public since Matthew is African American and "other people" will think its "weird." How do you deal with this?

Personaly, I didn't speak about it to people I knew wouldn't understand or be supportive. It takes a lot of courage and energy just to do the right thing, you don't think you have to justify it!
Keep on! You're doing the best for your baby, that's the most important!

It sounds to me like they are the ones with the hang ups. I have biracial children and I nursed my daughter. I would tell them sorry they are uncomfortable with it. But you would appreciate it if they did not make any further comments to you about it. And YOU continue to nurse your baby.

My daughter is dark skinned too and I frankly just didn't care what other people thought. It actually became quite funny watching people try to figure it out. They would either think A) I cheated on my husband (if we were together since we obviously aren't dark skinned) Or B) that she belonged to one of my teenage sons. I know it is hard, and I am not making light of it. It stinks that they are not supporting you. I think what I would say is why should Matthew not have the benefits of breastfeeding based on the color of his skin or how it makes others feel. You wouldn't not nurse your biological children based on that and you will treat him no differently. I would tell my family and friends that this is not open for discussion with them as you are the parent and you will make decisions based on the criteria of what is best for your child. Hang in there. It gets easier and come here with your questions or concerns. We will support you. Refrain from discussing it with people who are not supportive. It really isn't any of their business.
((hugs))

Dear Skayt,

We are all in agreement. The best possible thing you can do for your baby is to breastfeed. You are not this baby's babysitter, you are his mother and if your family members cannot handle that, it's their problem. Over 4000 mothers have induced lactation and breastfed their infants from all sorts of arrangements (adoption, surrogacy, even grandmothers)all over the world. There are over 800 women right here on these forums.

Listen to me honey, if you don't nip it in the bud right now and stand your ground, this child will never be properly accepted into your family. He has just as much right to breastfeed as any biological child. If you experience further oposition from family members I would suggest family counselling. As for your friends, you may want to point out that not everyone can just lie down and become pregnant. Inducing lactation and adoptive breastfeeding are monumental achievements. Finally your body is doing something it is meant to do. Hats off to you for your courage and perseverance.

My thoughts and prayers are with you dear as you work this through.

Best, Lenore

Please, PLEASE don't let your family and friend's reaction deter from what you are doing, which is providing Matthew THE best nutrition possible, numerous health benefits and the joy of bonding with his MOMMY through breastfeeding.

YOU have done it, Matthew enjoys it, and you're successful! Don't let what they say break the pride and joy you should feel with your accomplishments! If you were able to have a biochild, and your child had a deformity, would that make you want to nurse them any less, regardless of what others say? You are no less a mommy to Matthew than you would be to a biochild and he is SO lucky to have a mommy that was willing to induce lactation for him!

Stick up for him and his breastfeeding(and yours too) Tell your friends and family where their noses belong, and its not in your breasts!!! They're for Matthew right now!

CONGRATS!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I was desperately in need of some support and it looks like I came to the right place. My parents came to meet Matthew for the first time this weekend. They were thrilled to get to spend time with him and were a big help to us. I told my mom how upsetting her comments had been to me, in part because she was one of my biggest supporters when I breastfed by biological son. She apologized and was very supportive all weekend when I breastfed Matthew. I think she is mostly concerned about how other people will react to me breastfeeding Matthew, but her approach was all wrong. So, hopefully, my mom can now support me in breastfeeding Matthew. A nice surprise was to find how supportive my father is of this! My sister . . . well, she thought it was "gross" when I breastfed by biological son, so I don't think there is much hope of garnering her support.

I think I just need to keep reminding myself that I decided a YEAR before Matthew arrived that I would do this, and I am GOING to do this no matter what anyone else thinks. And I'll definitely keep coming here so I don't feel so alone!

Thanks again, everyone!

Glad to hear the good report! Keep it up!

Keep going!!! You're doing GREAT!!! I'm glad you were able to talk to your mom, you'll need the support like you did for your first!

Looking forward to more updates!